Posting a bit early because I will be out of town on May 1st.
On May 1st I saw the Wolverine movie and later started feeling
sick with a stomach bug that started the chain of events.
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3 years
3 years since I went and saw X-Men Origins: Wolverine
3 years since I came down with a stomach bug on Free Comic Book Day
3 years since I sat there chugging Gatorade and Chicken Soup
3 years since being well enough to board a plane to Oahu
3 years since that wonderful trip in Hawaii; the beach, snow cones, hiking & swimming
3 years since it felt like the yummy seafood ramen turned my tongue to rubber
3 years since I thought I had been eating too much because I couldn't suck my stomach in
3 years since I got sunburned so bad my shoulders felt too heavy to lift
3 years since I climbed those stairs on Diamond Head thinking how hard each step was
3 years since I broke my toe and couldn't feel the pain
3 years since stumbling off the plane, thinking it was jetlag
3 years since getting out of bed in the middle of the night because it was hard to breathe
3 years since I went in for the MRI
3 years since my husband helped shower me because my arms were too hard to lift
3 years since that night when I fell after trying to get out of bed
3 years since my husband helped me from the car to ER before I sat in the wheelchair
3 years since I sat in the ER waiting room watching Robot Chicken waiting to see a doctor
3 years since the spinal tap that confirmed I had Guillian Barre Syndrome
3 years since I chose to receive a feeding tube because eating took too much energy
3 years since I lay in bed vomiting on myself unable to cry for help, after reacting to Darvocet
3 years since I feared I would never be able to use my hands again
3 years since I shut my eyes as they laced tubes down my throat for a respirator
3 years since I first felt the effect of morphine
3 years since I told myself it was ok if I died; I had no regrets
3 years since I remember hearing the doctor mentioning I might need a ventilator
3 years since part of me yelled to myself "No! Wake Up! We Don't Need a Vent!"
3 years since I woke up with the drive to fight to get back what I lost
3 years since I could feel my husband's kiss once again
3 years since I rode the abulance over to the neurorehab, then noticing I had double vision
3 years since I was rolled along in a wheelchair
3 year since I stood for 10 seconds
3 years since I figured out how to open a damn ketchup packet again
3 years since I scooted myself along in a wheelchair
3 years since I sat at the cafeteria table with neurorehab friends, working together to open a milk carton
3 years since I took my first step in my new life
3 years since I learned how to use a walker
3 years since I walked down a hallway independently
3 years since I left the neurorehab to go home to my husband
3 years since I played around with jewelry and this crazy style called “Steampunk”
3 years since I’ve met so many talented and gifted artists in the Austin & TX community
3 years since I have found such a strong support group of survivors and fighters
3 years since I have made so many and kept so many amazing and supportive friends
3 years since my life before GBS ended
3 years since my new life began
Driving forward to 4 years.
Reading this brought back the memories I had during my fight with GBS. Some of what I went through I have stored deep into my memory, reading this brought them back to life. I remember sleeping on the teachers desk durning my senior year in HS, because I was seventeen and not allow to go home because there was not a parent home. I remember my brother coming into the bathroom in my hospital room, carrying me back to my hospital bed, not knowing I would not walk again for 3 months. We who have had GBS are true fighters! Part of me is glad that I had the opportunity to have had GBS, because it has made me look at life in a whole new perspective.
ReplyDeleteYou always see those little question journals and eventually they ask the question "If you could change one thing about your life, what would it be?" And I have to say, even through all the hardships, I really don't think I would take GBS out of my life because it has made me who I am today, just like everything else. I have met so many people and made so many friends that without GBS I would have been stuck in the little world I lived in. It has opened doors and lead me down paths I never expected. It really has completely shifted my perspective on so much.
Deletetruly amazing people are hidden in the background of life. I haven't suffered, and conquered, as you have. I can still appreciate your words and the wisdom in them, when I look at my lifes journey. To say the phrase "Live long and prosper" seems lame, but I mean it none-the-less.
ReplyDeleteI'm not ashamed to say that this brought tears to my eyes. It makes me see your admonition "Don't Die!" in a whole new light. Those of us who know you, know you are a great being. :) Thanks!
ReplyDeleteMunyah! >:3
DeleteWow you just mirrored my life with GBS
ReplyDelete